Tag Archives: feelings

DELUSIONS. THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL IT.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot – about the mysterious workings of destiny, elusive nature of luck, biasness of fate and much more. My head already feels heavy! I’ve pruned few things to talk about from this ever growing weed of thoughts.

To put it simply, life doesn’t always unfold the way we expect it to. We grow up believing many things and end up living different things.

These are few delusions to begin with:

  • It’s okay to fail – that’s what your boss will tell you. But when you do, it won’t be okay. Not with him. Try it at your risk.
  • Work-life balance has no practical application. It simply exists as a definition.
  • Wondering that degree from a reputed college will make top organizations come running to you? Be prepared to get your hands dirty when you go job hunting. Pop! Sorry to burst your bubble.
  • Dream job! If only earth had corners, I think we would have been able to find it. I am still looking for one.
  • Remember your mother, father, grandmother (add all your relatives to the list) telling you that ‘hard work always pays off’. Wait till you actually ‘work hard’ for that promotion.
  • 1,2,3… keep counting. Salary increases with the increase in work experience. If this was the case, then the world would have been a peaceful place. You wouldn’t see ‘Keep Calm’ posters floating around you.

If this has got you thinking, then just ‘Keep Calm and Drink Coffee’.

Advertisements

GOING UNDER A PAIR OF SCISSORS

I sat on a black chair with my head bent down and half closed eyes. My legs were perched on a footrest, and my left hand clasped my right one with a reassuring grip. I sat still on the chair with my tresses brushing against my cheeks on either side. I lost count of time from the moment I sat on that chair because I knew it would take a while.

My gaze could follow only one direction; down. A racy Bollywood number enveloped the room. It doused my anxiety or had a soothing effect on me, I can’t tell. There were momentary instructions of ‘neeche dekho’ and gentle nudging of my head with a finger from behind. This was followed by the sharp noise of metals clanking against each other.

After some time, the white floor seemed to be covered with a carpet of black and fluffy substance. I could feel the thing sliding down with every sharp snap; snap of a pair of scissors. The hands with the pair of scissors and the comb made a rush for every strand of hair jutting out inappropriately. It moved with dexterity to give my hair the perfect shape and length. The busy hands at work moved with a sense of calmness yet efficiency.

I am always particular about my hair but not today because I knew that something exciting awaited me. This time I would raise my head only to find a reflection of new ‘ME’. The more smoothly the hands worked, the faster my heart palpitated. I couldn’t prevent myself from clouding my imagination with my new look.

The justified long wait was finally over. After being snapped, tousled and brushed, I saw the reflection on the mirror with a gratified smile.  It was ‘ME’ but only with a pleasing difference.

BUBBLING CAULDRON OF EMOTIONS

Recently I underwent the arduous process of getting employment. Along with my resume, I worked extra hard on my graphic designing and writing portfolio. With every firm on the lookout for exceptional talent, it’s tough and also imperative to provide an impressive resume and portfolio.

My journey involved multiple calls and emails to different organisations. Some responded, some did not which further lead to a whirlwind of emotions regarding my own ability and work.

Is my resume not impressive enough?

Am I not capable enough to get that job even when I know I can do it?

Will I have to take just another job to pay my bills?

Do I need to work on more projects for my portfolio?

Even before commencing my journey, I was tutored on the virtues of optimism, patience and healthy reception of failure. But it was only when I encountered the situation, I realised that it’s easier said than done. Failure leads to frustration. Frustration leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to impatience. Impatience leads to mental disturbance. Mental disturbance leads to pessimism. Pessimism leads to loss of confidence. This is how I experienced the vicious circle of failure.

I honestly admit that even I got trapped in this destructive force for quite some time. I reviewed my work and resume umpteen times. I got it reviewed by my friends and acquaintances. Except for minor changes nobody said any disheartening things like it’s banal or unimpressive. I wondered if this was the case, then why I was sinking deeper into disappointment and pessimism. Why I was not getting interview calls? I still don’t have any explanation for it but I believe that is how human psychology works most of the time when faced with a similar situation.

I had also limited my options by settling for not what I was being offered but for what I wanted to do. If you also follow the same ideology then prepare yourself for its consequences as well. Learn to be firm in your thoughts and actions. If you have made a conscious choice to do certain things in life then learn to take ownership and responsibility for your actions. You cannot run around crying with swollen eyes that nobody counselled you before you made a particular decision. Such behaviour suits a five year old child and not an adult who has entered maturity. Few things are taught while some you learn from your experiences. This is one of them.

I am happy and proud about the choice I made. Everybody loves to get pampered with a lot of choices, and even I expected the same. But too many choices can also complicate life. Make your life simple by hoping and praying for just one thing that you desperately want.

It will find you wherever you are, LIKE IT FOUND ME.